


Never felt a feeling (That was quite this strong)

by admirabletragedy



Series: Klaine Valentine's 2021 [10]
Category: Glee
Genre: Drinking, Hopeful Ending, It's not major but it's definitely present in the story so I figured I'd give a heads up, M/M, klaineccvalentines2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29341473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admirabletragedy/pseuds/admirabletragedy
Summary: Day 10: Your Man [Josh Turner]❀❀❀“But you miss him,” Santana doesn’t phrase it like a question, she states it like it’s a fact. Maybe it is.“Of course I do,” Kurt chokes on a laugh.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel & Santana Lopez, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Series: Klaine Valentine's 2021 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139096
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15
Collections: KlaineCCValentines2021





	Never felt a feeling (That was quite this strong)

“But you miss him,” Santana doesn’t phrase it like a question, she states it like it’s a fact.  _ Maybe it is. _

“Of course I do,” Kurt chokes on a laugh, swallowing down tequila like it’ll push the words back down. It doesn’t work, never does, but he doesn’t care, just passes the bottle back to Santana.

She’d curled up into his side early into their evening. Rachel was with Brody doing God knows what, so he and Santana were left at the apartment unsupervised. And yeah, Kurt should’ve been responsible, but in his defense, Santana is wildly persuasive and Kurt may or may not have been having one of  _ those _ days again. The kind where no matter how hard he tried to redirect it, his mind kept drifting back to Blaine. 

Besides, it’s Valentine’s Day. It’d be cruel to let Santana be drinking alone today.  _ Right? _

“He was stupid for doing that to you,” Santana says.

Kurt glances down at her where she’s tucked beneath his arm, red dress crinkled after hours of sitting on their living room couch. Kurt doesn’t respond, even though he wants to. If he could find the right words he’d say,  _ ‘but there was something I could’ve changed, right? To make him stay. To stop him from feeling so alone he’d be willing to go off and sleep with-’ _

Santana passes Kurt the bottle. He takes it.

“But he’s not  _ stupid _ ,” Santana adds, “just made a stupid mistake.”

Kurt laughs, bitter and cutting, “And did Britt make a stupid mistake?”

Santana pushes back, leaning away from Kurt like she’d been burned, “You have  _ no _ idea-”

“ _ And neither do you, _ so don’t talk about it,” Kurt interrupts.

“I do know that he’s at your heels like a damn chihuahua trying to get your attention and you won’t even talk to him,” Santana bites out, grabbing the bottle from his hands.

“I am  _ not _ going to be an outlet for your rage, Santana,” Kurt snarls. 

_ ‘But she’s right,’ _ his mind whispers.  _ ‘Shut the fuck up,’ _ he whispers back.

“We’re pathetic, aren’t we?” Santana asks, sinking into the cushions, “Not talking to them.”

Kurt sighs through his nose.

“Like they’re just gonna come back to us,” Santana laughs, self-deprecating, hurt, “they shouldn’t, should they?”

Kurt turns his head looking at the former cheerio, noticing her tightly shut eyes, “Self-preservation isn’t pathetic.”

“No?” She repeats, “preservation from what?”

He wants to say Blaine —  _ he does _ — but it’s himself that comes to mind first. Because surely Blaine’s doing better now that he doesn’t have Kurt holding him back, right?  _ Or is he just as bad off as Kurt? _

He’s never stopped loving Blaine. _ Never.  _

So why’s he sitting on a couch, drinking with Santana, instead of just  _ telling _ Blaine this?

Next to him, Santana moves closer, tipping her head so it falls on Kurt’s shoulder. 

He lets her, leaning his cheek against the top of her head.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The apartment is quiet as Kurt changes into his pajamas and sits down on his bed, the early hours of the morning reaching him before he’s ready for them. They leave him staring at his phone dully, asking questions he doesn’t want to answer.

Sliding his phone off the bedside table, Kurt squints against the brightness of the screen, opening messages without processing what he’s doing. It’s as though his body knows something his mind doesn’t. He presses on Blaine’s contact, ignoring their sent messages. Ignoring the problems this may cause. Ignoring his fear, guilt, loneliness, because this is  _ Blaine. _

Blaine, who he knows better than anyone else, who he still needs —  _ despite it all _ — like he needs the air in his lungs.

_ “Preservation from what?”  _ Santana had asked.

Kurt’s tired of fighting to keep his feelings at bay, locked tight and hidden away.

He misses Blaine. He misses his smile, the way his eyes would sparkle green-gold in the sunlight, his laugh, and the way he would lean against Kurt whenever they stood side by side. He misses the weight of him, giving and taking, the way he’d curl up against Kurt, tracing his bare skin with featherlight fingertips. Misses the way Blaine would just look up at him like he’d hung the stars in the sky solely for Blaine to see. The trust they’d shared, the desire, the patience. The kisses, the way his hand feels in Kurt’s, his kindness, his encouragement, his love. Kurt aches for it all, a burning under his skin he could never ignore, could never  _ want _ to ignore.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Are you free to call tomorrow? ⇦

  
  


⇨ Yes

⇨ Yes, I am.

⇨ But you’re not doing this out of some obligation, right?

  
  


No, I’m not ⇦

I want to talk to you ⇦

  
  


⇨ I-

⇨ I’d really like that

⇨ Thank you.

  
  


For what? ⇦

  
  


⇨ For giving me this chance. 

⇨ I love you, you know that, right?

  
  


I love you, too, Blaine. ⇦

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kurt falls asleep easily that night. For the first time in a long time, he feels free from a familiar, suffocating weight. For the first time in a long time, he thinks of Blaine and  _ smiles. _


End file.
